Slightly Overdue Status Update

Current status update:

Working on two horror short stories/novellas. I’m not sure at this point what length they will wind up being. I’m actively working on one, the other is outlined with a few ideas and scenes jotted down waiting for me to come in and put it all together.

I’m also thinking very seriously about re-editing then re-releasing Child of Galina, if I decide to do this I will take the current version down. I was in a bad place with my career when I edited it and feel that I rushed it. I also am at a better place in life generally and feel that now I can handle the memories that reading though it will bring up from the time that it was written. And who knows, some of those memories may inspire my next (probably horror LOL) story.

Back to the horror writing; the one story that I’m just outlining at the moment very much comes from the advice of those that say to write about what scares you the most. So I’m delving deep and have already been brought to tears just in the outlining of this story. I’m not sure that once it is done that it could truly be classified as horror, it may be more psychological, but we will see. This story is going to take a long time to complete as it is very taxing upon me emotionally to write about my greatest fear in a way that makes it come to life in my mind and on the page.

Side note:

I was informed that the author of A Day in the Life was a little offended that I pointed out his age in my review, but seriously I didn’t mean it as an insult, I just know where I was at that age with my own writing and am kind of envious/jealous of where he is right now. Just to clarify on that point. 

I'm Fine a Poem by Crystal Raen

I’m Fine.

Those words are like poison

Vitriol to me.

A lie told to hide the shame

The shame of vulnerability.

My life is perfect

Envious to many.

To be depressed

                                Or stressed

                                                                Or angry

Would be spitting in the face of my blessings.

So I hold them in.

These worries

                                These fears

                                                                This anger.

And I hold on to my life

                                           My loves

                                                                My dreams

With fingers so tightly

That I’m afraid it will all shatter

Into tiny pieces

To the floor around me

Revealing my biggest fear

That it was all an illusion

And I

I was undeserving

Undeserving of the love

Of a good man.

Undeserving of my child

So beautiful and full of life

That it makes my heart ache

From the love that I have for her.

Undeserving of anything.

                                        Other than loss

                                                                Than fear

                                                                                Than worry

But that worry,

No matter how bright my days

Or how full my heart is

That worry sits there

Nibbling away at my happiness

Feeding my fears

And my anger grows.

Anger at myself

For not enjoying each moment

For not reveling in the happiness that is my reality

Anger at not being good enough to deserve these blessings

Tears burn at the backs of my eyes

A friend stops me to say

                                                “Hello”

To ask

                “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” My reply

“I’m fine.”